Well, I know that being happy about circumstances can lead to disaster, but once in a while it is okay:)
I finally moved past my loss of 20lbs to 25 lbs! Yay! It has been over 2 months since the scale budged (although I had been losing a lot of inches). Anyways, I just wanted to share that tidbit of happy news with you :)
I finally fit into my honeymoon clothes again (it's been 2 years!) Yay!!
Thank you Jesus for your earthle belssings. Please help me tio continue to reach my goal for 80lbs and please keep my heart set on things above, and not just circumstances. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
:)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
hmmmmm
Well, here I am again after a long hiatus from my blog. I think because I am soooo honest on this blog, it's kinda like a couselling session. I don't know about the rest of you but soemtimes when I'm done after couselling I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck. See, I spent soooo many years denying that I had any problems and thinking that if people knew what was really going on they would either not like me or not believe me. I put up a facade for a LONG time. (at least until the age of 24). I am still not used to talking about my problems and feeling that they are valid. Am I just a whiner? Or did I really go throught the ringer off and on in my life? It's hard to know when your self-esteem is so low.
I know I said in so many words that counselling is not my favortie thing, but I think I will be contacting my human resourses department about the free counselling they provide (I think it's 6 sessions a year). I really need to get back to right thinking and positive believing. I have been a lot better lately, but I can't tell if that's just my facade or not. I am so numb sometimes...it's crazy. I hate false guilt. Did my dad really hurt me or am I just making that up like he says I am? Is my situation with my step-son really all that difficult or am I just weak? These are questions that flood my mind constantly. Do I have a right to be sad? Ugh...
Why can't I think in black and white. Why can't I cast all my cares upon Jesus? I try, but then I reclaim them from Him...
One good thing though...I will be singing again at my new church come September! I am very excited about that. It is a very intimate way that I express myslef to my saviour. I am so thankful that He has given me this new opportunity. Anyways, thanks Mel and Kansas for your comments on my last blog. Mel, I really have a hard time regularly spending tie with God and 'praying without ceasing', but I am gonna try my best and follow your advice...you are right, I really need that in my life.
Kansas, thanks for being such a cool dudette and for relating to me in my posts so well. I just read and commented on your blog (for the first time, I know!) and I think we have a lot of stuff in common. Thanks for your honest cofessions about your life...you make me feel better about my own situation, knowing that someone else struggles with similar feelings and such. Not that I want you to struggle, but you know what I mean (I hope!)
Anyhow, I've gotta go squish some more boobs now (I'm a mammography technologist - not a pervert)
Love to all and thanks for reading.
Shebee
I know I said in so many words that counselling is not my favortie thing, but I think I will be contacting my human resourses department about the free counselling they provide (I think it's 6 sessions a year). I really need to get back to right thinking and positive believing. I have been a lot better lately, but I can't tell if that's just my facade or not. I am so numb sometimes...it's crazy. I hate false guilt. Did my dad really hurt me or am I just making that up like he says I am? Is my situation with my step-son really all that difficult or am I just weak? These are questions that flood my mind constantly. Do I have a right to be sad? Ugh...
Why can't I think in black and white. Why can't I cast all my cares upon Jesus? I try, but then I reclaim them from Him...
One good thing though...I will be singing again at my new church come September! I am very excited about that. It is a very intimate way that I express myslef to my saviour. I am so thankful that He has given me this new opportunity. Anyways, thanks Mel and Kansas for your comments on my last blog. Mel, I really have a hard time regularly spending tie with God and 'praying without ceasing', but I am gonna try my best and follow your advice...you are right, I really need that in my life.
Kansas, thanks for being such a cool dudette and for relating to me in my posts so well. I just read and commented on your blog (for the first time, I know!) and I think we have a lot of stuff in common. Thanks for your honest cofessions about your life...you make me feel better about my own situation, knowing that someone else struggles with similar feelings and such. Not that I want you to struggle, but you know what I mean (I hope!)
Anyhow, I've gotta go squish some more boobs now (I'm a mammography technologist - not a pervert)
Love to all and thanks for reading.
Shebee
Sunday, August 05, 2007
My secret world
This is not the facade I play with friends, at work, facing the world. This is who I am deep inside. This is my secret world where I share things just to get them off my chest. I may sound bleak and depressed...maybe I am, maybe I am having a fleeting emotional outburst...not even I know.
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