Well, here I am again after a long hiatus from my blog. I think because I am soooo honest on this blog, it's kinda like a couselling session. I don't know about the rest of you but soemtimes when I'm done after couselling I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck. See, I spent soooo many years denying that I had any problems and thinking that if people knew what was really going on they would either not like me or not believe me. I put up a facade for a LONG time. (at least until the age of 24). I am still not used to talking about my problems and feeling that they are valid. Am I just a whiner? Or did I really go throught the ringer off and on in my life? It's hard to know when your self-esteem is so low.
I know I said in so many words that counselling is not my favortie thing, but I think I will be contacting my human resourses department about the free counselling they provide (I think it's 6 sessions a year). I really need to get back to right thinking and positive believing. I have been a lot better lately, but I can't tell if that's just my facade or not. I am so numb sometimes...it's crazy. I hate false guilt. Did my dad really hurt me or am I just making that up like he says I am? Is my situation with my step-son really all that difficult or am I just weak? These are questions that flood my mind constantly. Do I have a right to be sad? Ugh...
Why can't I think in black and white. Why can't I cast all my cares upon Jesus? I try, but then I reclaim them from Him...
One good thing though...I will be singing again at my new church come September! I am very excited about that. It is a very intimate way that I express myslef to my saviour. I am so thankful that He has given me this new opportunity. Anyways, thanks Mel and Kansas for your comments on my last blog. Mel, I really have a hard time regularly spending tie with God and 'praying without ceasing', but I am gonna try my best and follow your advice...you are right, I really need that in my life.
Kansas, thanks for being such a cool dudette and for relating to me in my posts so well. I just read and commented on your blog (for the first time, I know!) and I think we have a lot of stuff in common. Thanks for your honest cofessions about your life...you make me feel better about my own situation, knowing that someone else struggles with similar feelings and such. Not that I want you to struggle, but you know what I mean (I hope!)
Anyhow, I've gotta go squish some more boobs now (I'm a mammography technologist - not a pervert)
Love to all and thanks for reading.
Shebee
3 comments:
Shebee, Sorry I'm so late coming here. I've hardly visited anyone's blogs in a long while - just wrapped up in my own little world.
I hope you do get a chance to get some counseling. It sounds like there are a lot of things you need to talk about. But in the meantime, I hope you'll keep talking lots here. It's good for you.
thanks Marja,
you inspire me to be a better person, you know that? I have been thinking about what you said on Sunday about focusing on the positive, as well as on the down times I have. I really appreciate your advice and have been trying to take it as much as possible and let me tell you, things have been better since chuirch on Sunday! Yay! Anyways, love and blessings to you.
Shebee
Hi Shebee,
So sorry for the long time I was away. Something happened with our family. Anyway,it's so nice to hear that you will be singing in the church. It's a wonderful ministry, one where you can relate more to the Lord. Keep up with it and also your counseling sessions. They're both good for you. Don't be too hard on yourself. The Lord loves you for who you are and not for what you are.
God bless you with God's amazing grace and His bountiful blessings.
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