Worried

Well, the internet is finally up and running at my house! Yipeee!!! Things are staring to settle down around here. However, I'm worried for a few reasons:
a) Labour is approaching at an alarming pace, and I am scared to death about the pain I am going to go through, having never gone through it before
b) Our kitty is missing and my heart is broken over that...he's been missing since Wednesday morning :(
c) My good friend is really struggling and I am worried sick about her, but hardly know what to say or do, as I am in a fragile state myself
d) I don't really like my new pdoc - she doesn;t seem to 'get' me
e) We still have A LOT of setting up and purchasing of baby stuff to do before baby arrives and it seems that nothing is done and the bills keep pouring in!!!
Anyhow, that's why I'm worried. I know the bible says to "cast all your cares upon (Jesus), because he cares for you" but I am a natural worrier. I really have to work on that. That's all I have to type for now. I'll type more later on.
See ya

Struggling along

Well, I had a huge blow up the other night. It ended with me hanging up on my mother, and attacking my husband (physically). Stress + Shelly = bad things. I don't really feel the urge to give too many details, just that it was an awful situation. My mom ended up calling my hubby and telling him that she didn't care if I went to Hell or not. That is not like my mom at all to say something like that. I am very hurt. I wouldn't be if she wasn't so Christian. I called to apologize and left a message but neither my mom or dad have called me back. I am hurt, but worse than that, I am worried that I will end up hurting my unborn child because of my stupid anger/bipolar disorder.
I talked to my counsellor about it all and she suggested marital counselling for hubby and I, and she reiterated what my pdoc said about the anger management classes/training. I am all about the marital counselling, however, I'm not 100% sure about the anger management stuff.
My family life growing up was a training ground for rage and bitterness. However, I do have bipolar disorder, which could be a major factor in my angry outbursts. Anger management training may just leave me frustrated and feeling more hopeless than ever. Still, I think I need to give it a try. I am saddened, deeply saddened right now. I have hurt those that love me quite deeply.
My hubby has decided to forgive me, but I don't know about my mom and dad. Wasn't moving closer to them supposed to be a good thing?

Busy busy busy!

Well, moving is stressful. I know you all know that, but really...holy crap! Thank goodness we're out of the old and in the new, but still, there is sooooooooooo much to do! I am actually at my parents house right now rushing to blog as I know I haven't for a while because I know I won't have any chance of it at home (besides our cable, internet and phone doesn't get hooked up 'till Tuesday). I am thankful that it went fairly smoothly though, despite the fact that I have been working all throughout (my next day off is Tuesday...ugh). I am also very thankful to be in a larger place...I just have to remember to take it one day at a time, otherwise I will turn into a complete basket-case! Lists, I need to make lists...
Anyways, sorry I haven't commented on blogs lately...I have dropped off the face of the planet for this last week (I especially mean this for you Jena...soooo sorry!!!)
As for moods...not too hsabby, considering what is going on in my life right now. Stressed about finances more than anything, but I seem to be handling it well. I have a counselling appointment on Tuesday so hopefully we can tackle some of my issues surrounding money=stress=anger=rage...
My pdoc recommended that I go to an anger management program for woman out of a very good hospital in Vancouver. I'm pretty sure that I will be signing up. I really need to know how to get this anger out in a good way.
Anyways, gotta go.