Well, I had a huge blow up the other night. It ended with me hanging up on my mother, and attacking my husband (physically). Stress + Shelly = bad things. I don't really feel the urge to give too many details, just that it was an awful situation. My mom ended up calling my hubby and telling him that she didn't care if I went to Hell or not. That is not like my mom at all to say something like that. I am very hurt. I wouldn't be if she wasn't so Christian. I called to apologize and left a message but neither my mom or dad have called me back. I am hurt, but worse than that, I am worried that I will end up hurting my unborn child because of my stupid anger/bipolar disorder.
I talked to my counsellor about it all and she suggested marital counselling for hubby and I, and she reiterated what my pdoc said about the anger management classes/training. I am all about the marital counselling, however, I'm not 100% sure about the anger management stuff.
My family life growing up was a training ground for rage and bitterness. However, I do have bipolar disorder, which could be a major factor in my angry outbursts. Anger management training may just leave me frustrated and feeling more hopeless than ever. Still, I think I need to give it a try. I am saddened, deeply saddened right now. I have hurt those that love me quite deeply.
My hubby has decided to forgive me, but I don't know about my mom and dad. Wasn't moving closer to them supposed to be a good thing?
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5 comments:
It sounds like in the heat of the moment a lot of firey darts were thrown... i will pray that God washes them away with his healing waters. I love you.
It's so hard to distinguish sometimes what is 'from the past' and what is 'the disorder'. Maybe there is no difference. Maybe the past is coming out as the disorder, and if we deal with the past it will help lessen the impact of the it. I don't know. But these kinds of thoughts are often tumbling aroud in my brain. I don't think anything negative can come out of doing the anger management thing. Some stuff may still be 'beyond your control', but I think it would still give you some tools you could use in some situations. Whatever tools you can get under your belt before parenting hits you the better. I admire you for being open to taking steps to better yourself. And I will definitely say a prayer for your situation with your mother, in hopes that she'll be open to some reconciliation.
Take care,
Canadian Coco
Oh how you must be hurting right now, Shebee. I think the anger management course might be a good thing too. Might as well get all the help you can get, don't you think?
I hope and pray that things with your parents will clear up soon. You don't want these hurts to fester.
Will pray for you...your hubby...your baby...your mom and your dad. Take care. - marja
Thanks so much everyone. I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers :)
hey just wanted to let you know my blog address changed, so you'll need to update your links- i'm still at blogger but my link is now jena-fun.blogspot.com :)
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