Frustration!!!

Don't get me wrong. I am extremely excited and blessed to have this little bundle of wonder in my belly. However, there are a few things that are driving me mad!!! One in particular is my bilateral carpel tunnel syndrome (which will make my blogging a lot less frequent and or a lot more brief). It was brought on by the water retention of pregnancy...ugh. Secondly, I'm not too keen on the sciatica I am experiencing on my left side either! And finally, I am so sick and tired of being a total ball of hormonal craziness. I'm used to being bipolar, for the most part, but this is rediculous!!! One minute I'm having the time of my life, the next I'm bawling my eyes out, the next I'm ripping a strip off of my poor husband...ugh. I know though, that the miracle going on right as we speak makes everything worth it. I love you baby...no matter what you're putting me through now or ever...

I'm trying to get to the bottom of some of my frustration lately. I know that a big part of it is that our home is too small for all of us (all of us = my husband, my sister-in-law, myself, my step-son every other weekend, oh, and our cat) The thing is, my sis-in-law wasn't here very often before when she was dating this particular fellow. Now they've broken up and she's dating someone new who is much better for her (yay!) However, having her here more often is trying at times. I'm just not used to it. It was great when she was here during the week but not on weekends, so that Brad and I could have some alone time. Now she's here 24/7 it seems, and because she's Brad's twin, it's almost like having two of my husbands around. Bless their hearts, but I can only handle one!!! Lord give me patience! It's hard too, having a mood disorder and wondering if she thinks I'm crazy, where I know Brad can relate (he has depression) and he knows me and loves me just the same. I don't know where Sabrina stands with my whole 'mood problem'. And when baby comes, I don't know if I'm going to get worse or not. How is she going to be around me then??? Will she be understanding? God, I need a break!!! A vacation with my husband???!!! That's all I ask...before the baby gets here...please...? Sabrina plans to live with us for another year or so before she heads out on her own, in case you were wondering. We have all discussed it and said that it's fine...oh me and my BIG yap...
Now I feel bad...she really isn't a burden...it's just, well, I just want some quality time with Brad while we have time to have it! Once baby gets here, well, that's it...no more newlyweds...not that we really ever had an opportunity to even have that! We had Oriah for the first two and a half years of marriage, now we have Sabrina!!! (Oriah lives primarily with his mother now...looooooooooong story...he's doing failry well though, which is what matters most)
Whatever...uh oh, I'm starting to feel a pity party coming on...time to stop typing! Besides, my wrists are killing me! Will type more soon.

A Long Hiatus

It's been a LONG while and a lot has happened since my last entry. Most significantly and importantly, I am 22 weeks pregnant with my first child. Baby is moving up a storm and mommy is gaining lots of weight, so I'm sure all is going well. All of my ultrasounds/blood tests have come back normal too, so that's a bonus. (Well, there was one test that came back saying that baby has a 0.6% chance of having Downe's syndrome, but that was the only 'negative' test result I've had. I'm a little concerned, but I opted out of having the amnio as it seems so intrusive and barbaric; plus, I'm not even considering abortion, so really, what would the point be? Just to know for 5 months longer that my baby will have different needs than the average child?)
Unfortunately, my moods have gotten worse as a result of pregnancy. Fortunately though, I am now under the care of a reproduction psychiatrist at the women's hospital in my area. AND, for the first time since I was 'daignosed', I got a straight answer about 'what I have':
Biploar type II with GAD symptoms. Thank you God!
But yeah, I have not been having the easiest time, mood-wise. Neither have the people around me. I'm either bawling my eyes out, screaming my head off, or spending money we don't have and not sleeping. Good times. (I'm being slightly sarcastic there). Work has been pretty tough, but I have to bring home some of the bacon or else Brad and I will starve or be homeless.
I'm not in the best way today, nor have I been for the past 3 days. Easter used to be such a special time for me. A time of genuine gratitude for what the Lord did for us 2000 years ago. This weekend I felt numb, and ashamed for it. I cried after church because I long to feel that same way again...it's hard to know what's making me numb too. Is it my meds? Is it my circumstances (There is a lot of stress going on, what with baby, moving to a bigger place, finances...)? Is it a personal flaw within me? Am I just spoiled rotten just like a child who has had too much candy and now feels sick from it? Who knows.
Well, I don't know what else to type, so I'll leave it at that. Hopefully I will find it in myself to get back on here before the baby is due!!! Until then...