Blech

I find myslef sad today...I am feeling sorry for myself again. I wish I didn't have this illness...I feel like it's not tangible so I have nothing to complain about. I've tried to say to myslef that it is a 'physiological chemical imbalance' but I don't even know if that's true. Maybe the abuse from my past is what triggered it and I am just a weak person...? And even the abuse from my past was a piece of cake compared to some other people's pasts. I went to a different church yesterday and left feeling worse that I had coming in. The worship was great, but the message completely convicted me and made me feel solemn and sorrowful for all of my mistakes. I wast to feel free but can't seem to reach the branch above me to get out of this slimy pit of despair. I am also saddened that one of my good blogging buddies no longer has a blog and I miss her comments and words of encouragement. Sad, sad, sad...is this all there is to my life? I don't want tobe drowning in self-pity all the time...paranoid that people don't like me and are talking about me and my 'problems'...ugh...
Please Jesus, let a new song to come into my heart oh God, heal my wounds and make me who You want me to be. Amen

How great is our God

Self Pity

First off, thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement and you prayers. They were very much felt and appreciated. I just want to let you know however, that I was feeling hopeless, but like I said in my poem, I can't rely on feelings. I hold on to the scripture that one of you sent to me from the book of Isaiah "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (40:31) - thankyou for that Mel.
Still I do feel 'faint'. I'm just so sad and frustrated. I know I'm in a depressed state. But I will ride it out. I will be ok. I hate bathing myself in self-pity, so it's only a matter of time before I give it up. I just pray that I will not feel overwhelmed with everyday tasks, such as work, cleaning, making dinner...etc.
I am going to try and sleep now. I love this community and I thank all of you for your support and prayers.
Goodnight.
Shebee