It's been a LONG while and a lot has happened since my last entry. Most significantly and importantly, I am 22 weeks pregnant with my first child. Baby is moving up a storm and mommy is gaining lots of weight, so I'm sure all is going well. All of my ultrasounds/blood tests have come back normal too, so that's a bonus. (Well, there was one test that came back saying that baby has a 0.6% chance of having Downe's syndrome, but that was the only 'negative' test result I've had. I'm a little concerned, but I opted out of having the amnio as it seems so intrusive and barbaric; plus, I'm not even considering abortion, so really, what would the point be? Just to know for 5 months longer that my baby will have different needs than the average child?)
Unfortunately, my moods have gotten worse as a result of pregnancy. Fortunately though, I am now under the care of a reproduction psychiatrist at the women's hospital in my area. AND, for the first time since I was 'daignosed', I got a straight answer about 'what I have':
Biploar type II with GAD symptoms. Thank you God!
But yeah, I have not been having the easiest time, mood-wise. Neither have the people around me. I'm either bawling my eyes out, screaming my head off, or spending money we don't have and not sleeping. Good times. (I'm being slightly sarcastic there). Work has been pretty tough, but I have to bring home some of the bacon or else Brad and I will starve or be homeless.
I'm not in the best way today, nor have I been for the past 3 days. Easter used to be such a special time for me. A time of genuine gratitude for what the Lord did for us 2000 years ago. This weekend I felt numb, and ashamed for it. I cried after church because I long to feel that same way again...it's hard to know what's making me numb too. Is it my meds? Is it my circumstances (There is a lot of stress going on, what with baby, moving to a bigger place, finances...)? Is it a personal flaw within me? Am I just spoiled rotten just like a child who has had too much candy and now feels sick from it? Who knows.
Well, I don't know what else to type, so I'll leave it at that. Hopefully I will find it in myself to get back on here before the baby is due!!! Until then...
2 comments:
Hey Shellllllelllllll!!!!
Glad you're up and running again! It's nice to have a place to vent where people more or less get it, then at work, eh? lol... anyway, hope you're having a great day. Love you loads! :) PS- to you or anyone who read my new mind-mimic poem, hint: every second line reads the actual story, but they're meant to go together like a zipper! If that makes any sense... anyway off on another tangent... you know me... i think i need to go to the gym now... lol
Welcome back Shelly! So glad you're here. I hope you find this place a therapeutic place to vent. You did good here....and what's GAD?
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