It's been a while...

Well, I am still alive. For the last month or so I have been really down, so I apologise for my hibernation. I did see my gp and she increased my dosage of lamotrigine to 250mg. It has actually really helped (so far - it's been 5 days). My mind is clearer, I have more motivation, and I am performing a lot better at work. I am pretty excited about the progress.
However, last night I had a manic moment and flipped out at my husband and step-son. I then went on to bawl my head off and apologise profusely. Everything turned out okay, but still, I hate it when that happens. I guess my sub-conscious hadn't let go of it yet either because last night I had a horrible nightmare that my husband and I split up. I woke this morning to tell him that I had a nightmare about him and I, and that I loved him, and then I fell back asleep. I eventually stirred at around 11:30, feeling rather bummed out. I feel better now that I have accomplished some things today though (laundry, dishes, etc).
I have been really down about my weight lately...however, I'm hardly doing anything about it. I am taking 'slim-quick' pills, but that's it. No exercise, hardly any fruit and vegetables, etc. I have also been majorly over-eating for comfort again. For example, last night, I went through the McDonald's drive thru and ordered a Big-Mac meal and a McChicken sandwich. I pulled the car over to a secluded area and (secretively - in my mind anyways), I scarfed them both down in a matter of 10 minutes. I then proceeded to chow down on the fries which took me another 5 minutes. Later that night when I had gotten home and was almost ready for bed, I also had a huge bowl of rice with tons of margarine and soy sauce. I went to sleep shortly after that. Talk about self-sabotage. I know I have an over-eating problem - it's how I used to cope with the abuse in my home growing up. When things get stressful, that's where I turn first. Then it's other self-sabotaging things, which I won't get into as they are very personal (maybe one day I will talk about them on here).
Another big thing on my heart at the moment is my step-son. Could you all please pray for him as we move into our new, bigger place in February? I'm worried about him as he gets so easily anxious about any type of change that comes his way. Also, and more importantly, is that his mother's criminal trial for child abduction is coming up, and he happens to be with her that week. (Believe it or not, Canada's laws placed him back into her care 50% of the time, even after the atrocious things she did to him: dressing him up like a girl to conceal him, hiding him out in abandoned houses and cars, teaching him to be afraid of surveillance cameras and the police, telling him that his father - my husband - is a murderer and a pedophile, etc., etc., etc.). We are concerned for his well-being during this confusing time. We are also concerned about the talk that may be happening at his other residence in regards to the trial. They have lied to him a lot when it looked like they were the 'bad guys', and I don't see this situation being any different. They have him almost completely fooled that we are the 'mean people' that took him away from his 'happy' (secluded and abnormal) life in Albuquerque, NM. (Where he had barely any schooling and no contact with other children - no wonder he hates school and has literally no friends.) So much drama for such a little guy. Why God, why?
Well, that's my update. I apologise that I haven't commented on your blogs as of recent...I get myself into a rut of guilt sometimes, thinking that I'm a bad and very self-absorbed person for not commenting, which leads me to seclude myself even more...sorry guys...

Shelly