I have done something so dishonest and terrible that I am having a very hard time with it.
I went on eBay to see if I could find any furniture for our new place and I bid on something that I didn't realise was so expensive with shipping/customs. I ended up winning it and I guess I was being manic because I ended up paying for it on pay pal. When I realised what I had done I sent a stop payment notice to pay pal, stating that my step-son got a hold of my account number and that he bid on it without my knowing (big FAT lie). Well, pay pal and the seller didn't believe me, (serves me right), and now I'm stuck with a $600.00 kitchen table and chairs which I cannot afford. To make matters worse, I went manic on the seller and freaked out at her via e-mail. I even took the Lord's name in vain while expressing myself to her. She e-mailed me back saying that I was a liar, a bad parent if I wasn't lying, and a total mess, as well as a blasphemer. I don't blame her. What the hell got into me? I am such a bad person.
Please God, forgive me for lying to get out of things that I didn't think through in the first place. Please forgive me for being a rotten Christian and a bad role model to those around me. Please forgive me for the stinging words I used towards this innocent lady. Please help Brad and I financially so that we can afford this large bill coming our way. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Could you guys please pray for me that my manic-ness and dishonesty don't get in the way of my relationship with God? Could you also pray that we would be okay financially after my costly mistake? And could you all please forgive me for not being a very good example of the faith?
Another thing on my mind is that I have basically stopped reading "A purpose driven life" after I signed my commitment to reading it every day on the first page. It feels like I never complete anything that I set out to conquer. Is this part of my condition, or am I just flawed character-wise? I am feeling so low.
I thank you all though, for being so beautiful to me, and for purveying the love of God so well.
Love you all,
Shebee
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8 comments:
Don't be so hard on yourself...there are things called, "White Lies." WE all do it.
Not completing something is part of bipolar disorder - big time! We set out to do projects and then we don't finish them...
I do it all the time, but that is OK! My husband calls me the Two Weeker! LOL!!!
God Loves you!! Don't worry...
Have that Chocolate and indulge!
Thnaks DW, you totally rock (I wish I could give you a big hug!)
Shebee, I WILL pray for you, and you should know that I often do. But I hope that you are praying lots too. God will forgive. But you need to ask him to forgive you as well. He may not love what we do, but he loves us nevertheless and he is always ready to forgive.
Remember what Jesus told the woman who was caught in adultery and the Pharisees were ready to stone her? Jesus told her that he didn't condemn her. But then he said, "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Tomorrow is a new day, an opportunity to have a fresh clean start. And God LOVES you. And so do I.
See you Friday?
Sweetie you are so funny. :) I think you'll look back on this and laugh with me on my new porch. And you'll now always have a nicer kitchen set than me :) I will be praying for you. I can really sense the despair in your post and i admire you for being open here with us and being so honest. This is a supportive environment.
As for your not reading the book- Shebee, God is not accusing you for not reading it and he doesn't see you as a bad christian! He looks at you lovingly and wants you to pay attention to him also. Satan is the destructive one, the one who distracts us from God and makes us feel all horrible inside. Let those horrible thoughts and feelings go now. Look back to God and allow him to love you. He is compassionate and will never fail you. (Lamentations 3:23)
Thanks everyone...you are all so encouraging to me. Love to you all.
Hey, I know this post is pretty old, but I stumbled upon it today and I really feel God telling me to share something with you...
You said "It feels like I never complete anything that I set out to conquer. Is this part of my condition, or am I just flawed character-wise? I am feeling so low."
When Satan knows that God is ready to do amazing things in your life, one of the biggest things he can do is continually tell you that you can't complete anything you set out to conquer.
So be encouraged! It does NOT mean you are flawed characterwise - it means that God is desperately trying to do amazing things through you, and that Satan now sees you as a threat. Continually pray that you would view yourself through GOD's eyes, not your own, and that God would silence the lies of the enemy and fill you with nothing but His truth!
God Bless,
One of your many Brothers-in-Christ
Funny, I did a Google search, found your post and this one:
www.newhope.bc.ca/98-08-23.htm
As dream writer said, "Don't be so hard on yourself" and at the same time, don't be hard on others ;).
May God Bless you.
I struggle horribly with being Bipolar and a Christian. But I know that God loves US, and not our moodswings. He knows that our neurotransmitters in our brains are not wired right, and He allows us to have this condition for a reason that we don't know. My comfort is knowing that He forgives our sins, and that one day we will have a new body AND mind in Heaven!
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