Stomach flu from %$#@!

Holy smokes, nothing like a horrid stomach flu to make you realize what you're missing in day to day life.  I went out for Mexican food on Saturday and when I got home, I started to feel a bit queazy.  I figured it was just the spice and the amount of food I had ingested.  Well, I didn't end up sleeping much and when I did wake up at about 6-am, I was in agony.  My stomach was so sore and I couldn't get comfortable.  At around 10-am, that's when the spew-fest began...ugh.  I then proceeded to call my friend whom I had eaten the mexican food with, and she was just fine.  I know that a horrible stomach flu is traveling all over the lower mainland of BC, (particularly because half the staff at my job have been off sick with it) so I put 2 and 2 together and...well, you get the idea.  I have also had the other wonderful symptoms associated with this nasty bug, which I know you know full well, so I won't go there, and my temperature yesterday was 102.5 degrees. This was particularly worrisome as I am almost 7 months pregnant and I was very worried about baby.  Baby seems to be just fine though.  Even though I hardly ate at all yesterday, baby is still kicking up a storm.  I was able to eat some cereal and coffee this morning, with a little discomfort, but hey, I gotta eat, so that's good.  

Anyways, now for my moods.  I have been noticing a pattern.  Every other week seems to present itself with a mixed state of a few days or so.  In this mixed state, I am usually bawling at commercials, throwing things at my husband, and smacking my head against the wall (literally...last night we almost had to get the spackle out).  It really frustrates me.  I feel good for about 10 days and then, yikes!  Watch out, here comes psycho pregnant lady!  The thoughts in my head are horrible too...very disturbing and guilt provoking.  Perverted, angry, destructive...you name it.  I almost feel like I need to be delivered from a demonic hold on my life when those thoughts come.  But, because I am a bipolar II/anxiety suffering person, I don't want to over spiritualize anything.  All I know though, is that I:

a. feel far from God 

b. feel crazy

c. feel guilty for making my husband crazy

d. feel scared of how good a mom I'll be

e. feel like killing my loved ones

There are many other things too, but I can't figure them all out right now.  You with bp know what I'm talking about.  I just know that I'm really struggling to feel peace.  I am constantly wanting to be busy with something so I don't have to think.  The carpel tunnel in my wrists and my being sick this weekend have forced me to slow down...maybe that's why my blog is longer today...I need/ed to vent I guess.  

Anyways, I gotta rest my wrists now.  My massage therapist would kill me if he saw me typing when I don't actually have to for work.