Reaching out for what I can't quite grasp
Besides talking to a couple of good friends, today I feel...well...'meh'...do you get what I mean? Work was stressful this week and I'm really tired and feeling soooooo lethargic. I don't think I even have enough energy to put my clean laundry away. What's with me??? I hate it, because I am so unorganized and messy all the time. It's a metaphor for my life I guess:(
My husband and I are fighting at the moment. I can't tell if I harped on him because of my bipolar-ness, or if it's really legitimate and I have a right to be mad. It seems, in my mind, that he hasn't been very appreciative of me lately. He constantly whines about picking me up from the transit station (which he hardly ever does, even when it's dark). He still hasn't gotten me my birthday present either (even though my birthday was in June and he promised me a day at the spa, a night out on the town, and an ipod nano. Maybe he feels overhwelmed because he promised me so much??? So why wouldn't he talk to me about it??? I just feel very neglected...and it hurts, because my dad used to do the same thing (either neglect me or scream at me/physically hurt me). Not that Brad lays his hands on me in a hurtful way, but I feel as though all he ever wants from me is food or sex. The rest of the time he seems to ignore me. I'm sure I'm not looking at the whole picture, but I am hurt. And last night I let him have it, and I said some extremely mean things. Things that could have killed his spirit...why do I do that? Maybe because I'm turning into my father? God help me if I am...
Sad Shebee
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2 comments:
Are you able to tell him you want to talk about the things that are bothering you? I can't stand it when my husband and I fight. I hate the awful feeling that comes between us. Best not to let such feelings fester. The sooner you can sort things out between you, the better it will be.
I'm sorry about the way you're feeling.
I can relate as i'm there right now too. But i'm the bad guy in our situation... sweetie i will be praying for you guys. I was listening to a podcast message about the first 5 years of marriage and how patterns of resolving conflict are really foundational.... so with that in mind, I would encourage you to pray about the situation, as i will too, and that God would give you a humble heart, the strength to persevere, patience, and by living those things, you will see rich blessings in your relationship. You should maybe considering looking at that book, "The Power of a Praying Wife"... its excellent. Its in Blessings. It has been helping me. Thinking and praying for you!
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