sad

I'm having trouble today...feeling kinda sad and melancholy.

I just went to my work mates bridal shower, and you would think that I would have been happy to be there, but I just put up a good front.

I guess I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself. My stepson had to come with me because no one was willing to watch after him...not my mom and dad, not my sister and brother-in-law. They all seem to think that he is the hugest burden of all time. I would like to know how they would feel if they were in my situation and I never helped them! This is not the first time this has happened. I feel very frustrated, especially with my sister's husband, as he's the one that said that to watch after my stepson would just be 'way to stressful' for him. He's this Holier than thou art type of Christian, so it just pisses me off all the more. Now I'm gossiping. Whoops.

I also found out the other day that when I was going through a really rough time in my life (when I was first diagnosed and when things between my stepson's mom and our household were at an all time awful), some of my 'friends' at work were talking about me; saying that my situation was just an excuse to get sloppy with my work. Ouch. I wish the person that told me about those comments never had. She even regretted telling me after, as she could see how much I was hurt by it. (not to mention I became obsessive about asking her 'Who? Who said it? Who???' She didn't tell me.

Now I'm paranoid. Oh great.

Chalexa and I had a good conversation about all this yesterday and she made me feel a lot better...but with me, it doesn't take just one encouraging conversation to get over something. I'll need to vent to approximately 500 people and get their feedback, and even then I will still mull over it for a few months, feeling helpless and let down. Finally, I will come to the realisation and the peace that comes with it that you just can't be everyone's friend. But like I said, it'll probably take a couple months before I get there. That's the usual run of things.

Ho hum.

I am very much looking forward to tomorrow as I speak and sing at Marja's church though. That's one thing keeping me going at the moment. So thank you Marja for all that you do. You are an amazing individual. Your efforts do not go unnoticed.

Must go now, hubby will be home soon and then it's dinner time so I'd better get on it.