Welcome back hypo-mania!

I know it seems a little odd to be excited about having my old friend hypo-mania returning, but it sure as HELL beats the depression that has been plaguing me! The only thing I really don't like about it is the anger that comes with it. But let me tell you: waking up actually feeling excited about the day has been a long overdue treasure that I have missed for months!
It's probably got a lot to do with my decrease in seroquel lately. My pdoc said that if I do okay on 200 instead of 300mg I should be ok to stay at that dosage, since baby is coming any day now. Now it's the daunting task of decreasing my clonazepam. I hate being on it. I feel like a druggy as it's a 'controlled substance'. At least the pharmacist had me feeling that way when I asked for an advance 'cause I had no money to purchase my last prescription. She said it really loud too...it was soooo embarassing! I already feel shitty enough having to take all these stupid meds while I'm pregnant, but for her to draw attention to me like that in the pharmacy at my local grocery store was really, like I said, embarrassing! I can't wait to be off of them. I only take 1 mg a day, so I'll start to decrease that probably tonight by .5 mg. My anxiety and depression have been soooo bad during my pregnancy that I was unable to decrease them unless I wasn't working. Now that I'm not working anymore and there are only 11 days left before baby is due, it's about high time. Baby seems totally fine, but still, there is a risk of withdrawal for the poor little one . Wow, that makes me feel guilty as sin!!! But hey, I've been under the direction of a reproductive psychiatrist...she knows what she's doing. She constantly reminds me that it's better that I'm a healthy mom for my baby than suffering through without the aid of meds. The biggest concern I had was neural tube defects as a result of the paxil and that's a non-issue anymore. Oh yeah, and I was worried about cleft palate from the lamectal, but when I saw my little baby's face on the 3D ultrasound, everything was fine. I still am, however, a little concerned about the chance of downe's as I opted out of getting the amniocentesis when I got a low positive result on my triple screening test. Everything looks and sounds and feels normal though. I'm pretty darn sure that baby is just fine. If baby does have downe's, that's just something that Brad and I will have to take in stride. We love our little munchkin, no matter what. Abortion was not an option for us (morally) so I guess that's that. God will take care and provide for us.
Anyways, I don't know if I mentioned that there is a chance that I will be induced this Friday. It depends upon the results from my 24 hour urine test (yeah, I had to pee into a jug for 24 hours!!! hahahaha!!! I laughed when they gave me the big orange thing at the biomedical lab). If the urine has too much protein in it, it could be that I have pregnancy induced toxemia. If that's the case, my obgyn will want to get baby out asap. I could be a full fledged mother by Friday! Holy smokes!!! But I guess it's either Friday or a week or two from then anyways. I'm not too worried 'cause I feel fine and we basically have everything ready for baby anyways (the only things we still need are a nice comfy chair for me for feeding, and a good supportive snugly - two items which we can get by without for the first little bit anyways).
But yeah, back to the hypo-mania. It sure is great to type and not look back over everything I just typed thinking, 'boy am I dumb'. It sure is great to have good dreams at night, and it sure is great that I actually have been sleeping (which doesn't fit the classic hypo-mania, but hey, it's better than not sleeping due to bad dreams and dreadful feelings). I don't like, however, my anger as I stated before. I have been blowing up at my husband nightly for the past I think 4 nights. Everything that I have been 'blowing up' about has been valid, but my reactions have not been. It's hard to know if the anger is me with my past, my disorder, the hormones of pregnancy, stress (which has been huge lately; see my previous post if you feel so inclined) or all things combined. I do know, however, that as long as I air my feelings out to people I know care for me, I feel better. I just really hope that my support system is around for when baby arrives. It really depends on when junior decides to make his or her appearance. A lot of my friends are going on holidays in the next few weeks, my in laws live halfway across the country (and my father-in-law is still in a medically induced coma in the ICU at the Ottawa general from what seems to be a rare strain of bacterial meningitis), my best friend is also in hospital, I'm not working anymore and I don't really have a super close connection with anyone at work, my church is supportive, but the attenders all live a city away (I commute about a half hour to get to church 'cause it's totally worth it), My mom works full time and my sister has two kids of her own. And as for Brad, well, his heart is mostly with his father right now, which I TOTALLY understand, but still, it's hard. (I do think that once baby arrives he will be more emotionally available, and he is taking off 2 weeks of holidays as soon as I give birth, so that's good!)
All is not lost! After I told them how worried I was about not having the support I need after baby is born, my mom and sister told me that they are working on getting a support network for me for the first 6 weeks or so post-partum. Whether these people are strangers or not, I don't know, but at this point I don't really care! As long as they are nice and willing to give me a little help I am thrilled! Plus the community health nurse will be visiting me at least once in the first week or so.
Anyways, I think I'm rambling. So much to think about though!!! Race, race, race goes the mind...