I actually do have a few good souls who really do listen to me...but I'm still very frustrated that the majority of the people I know really don't give a flying f$%k how I'm doing, just as long as they can completely dump their bad day in my lap. Am I really just made for this? Did God just say "and here is (my name), bearer of all gossip sessions and the master of ear lending." DO I MATTER? IF NOT, WHAT'S THE POINT???
I am soooo angry right now that I could fling this laptop across the cafe and run from the building screaming obsenities and bawling my eyes out...what the HELL is going on??? Am I just having a hypomanic moment or am I genuinely angry and fed up with being a pushover? Whatever...good night.
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2 comments:
WOW, Shebee!! You DO sound angry. I'm sorry. Perhaps it IS just a mood thing and not some deep-seated stuff. But it must be frustrating to have people complain to you, not ready to listen to what YOU have on your plate.
Hope you remember that you can always talk to us on your blog.
Take care.
Thanks Marja...
Unfortunately, I do believe my recent outburst is rooted in some deep-seeded stuff. You see, somewhere along the way I unconsciously learned that what I have to say doesn't really matter because either: a)I'm stupid, b)I'm a woman, or, c)I'm mentally ill. I don't truly beleive these things (and boy, after typing them out, I see how ridiculous they sound), but it is a struggle for me to get past those thoughts on a very regular basis. About 90% of me still believes those lies; the other 10% holds on to God's truth. I really do need a miracle in order for those numbers to switch around... But anyhow, enough about me already!
Thankyou so much for your care and concern...I really admire you and all that you do for the community of bipolar sufferers. You are very inspiring to me. Thankyou.
Love Shebee
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