Yesterday I couldn't stop crying. Today I spent a bunch of money we don't have on new clothes, (they do make me feel a bit better though), and now I totally can't sleep. Marja, you are right. I do need to see my doc and get on top of this. I am so low, then so high, then so low again. Rapid cycle city.
I feel like bawling right now but can't. I am trying to distract myself with TV, but it's not working. I am so restless and bothered right now. I feel like I could bust out of my own skin! I just want to go crazy with a pillow or some old dishes and just rip/break them to bits. I know that I'm not alone on this matter. I'm so genuinely thankful for all of you people who correspond with me through this blog. Without you, I would be so much more of a mess than I feel like I already am.
I am looking into over-eaters anonymous. I think, with my history, it may be the only way I can get a grip on my obsession with food. When I visited the website, I immediately felt relieved that I wasn't alone and that there is help for people like me. I know that I sound like I think of myself as some sort of mutant...but it's how I view myself. It's how I've viewed myself for a long, long time. I am short waisted, small breasted (for my size), big bellied, big eared, weird teethed, pale skinned...the list goes on and on. I wish I could accept myself. It would make life a hell of a lot easier...whatever.
Anyways, I'm beginning to feel tired (yay!) so I should go. Love to all of you.
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4 comments:
I think that you are being too hard on yourself...by the picture that you provided within your blog...You look beautiful to me :)
When we are down and depressed...we are down about everything even ourselves...
The food thing: do you eat for comfort? Do you eat due to boredom?
Ya know, I am on the South Beach Diet and doing well right now..it is the Easiest thing I ever did and you could eat all the good food!!!
We could do it together if you want and email each other for tips and recipes..Let me know!
thanks dw...that sounds cool! I don't know if I'm up to trying a new diet...I seem to fail at them all the time. I think I need to delve deeper into why I depend on food for so many reasons, then when I'm 'healthier in mind' in regards to food, I can chose a diet plan that's right for me. Thanks so much for the offer though, that was really sweet of you :)
Can you get in to see the doctor sooner? Maybe he'll have a cancellation. That happens often. Tell the receptionist how you're feeling.
In the meantime, try this for medicine. It helped me through a rough time:
"The Lord your God is with you...he will quiet you with his love." (Zephaniah 3:17)
Carry it with you for the next little while.
I'll be praying for you, Shebee.
Thanks Marja,
I really appreciate it.
Love Shebee
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