How it's been going...

Well, it turns out that after some extreme damage control and a whole lot of prayer, things at work didn't turn out as bad as I thought they would. Thankfully, I told my doctor about what happened, and she agreed that I had probably forgotten about the shift due to medication changes and too many things piled upon my plate. She wrote a note, discreetly stating that I have been dealing with a medical condition that may be attributed to my forgetfulness, etc...
It wasn't a sick note, but more of a note to let my bosses know where I'm at, so they could at least see some of the bigger picture. Attached to the doc note, I stapled a note of extreme apology, taking full responsibility, and stating that I have a plan in place to prevent these types of mistakes from happening again. My bosses seemed to respond to this well. In passing, my big boss asked me what my plan was, so I wrote another memo to her (as she was too busy to hear it right then and there), stating my plan (check schedule regularly...etc). I would have done it in person, but I couldn't seem to catch her....she is a very busy lady. So far I haven't heard back, and that was on Monday. I'm assuming all is well, and I hope that I'm right. I just have to make sure that I see my doctor regularly, see my counsellor regularly, and make sure I leave home 'stuff' at home.
Well, now that I'm off shift, maybe I can unload a bit of home 'stuff'.
Last night, out of anger, Brad raised a hand to me. I was just teasing him lovingly by placing a cold-pack on his arm (we always tease each other like that). Being from an abusive home myself, this really upset me. When I expressed how angry I was at him for doing that, he just kinda fluffed it off and said "I was in my zone". (he was cleaning, and that's what he calls it when he's going at it frantically). When I kept on him about it, he started getting really angry, partly because he didn't want to hear me anymore, and partly because I was saying all of this in front of his son. I was soooooooo angry though. Plus we live in a place where there is literally no room to do anything in private, apart from the bathroom! He began to swear and yell and tell me to 'get over it, it was nothing!!!'
Well, it sure was something to me. I went to bed early and very hurt and angry. I brought it up again this morning, and he did apologise, but not with much conviction in his voice...more just to get me off his back, I think. Now I'm sitting in the back room at work. I don't want to go home. I have to take the bus, it's cold, and I'm coming home to a jerk (or at least he's acting like one), and a very high-maintenance step-son. I just don't want to deal with anything tonight.
Another thing on my mind...my period...yeah, it's late. Earlier this week I was really nauseous and yesterday my breasts were tender...oh Lord, I know I prayed for biological children, but...now???? We are sooooo broke, my hubby's acting weird,(to tell you the truth, after last night and a few other incidents in our marriage, I'm starting to suspect that he has a mood disorder himself...he's already been diagnosed with depression, but I think there's something else going on), and I feel soooo unhealthy. I wanted to be fit and trim and healthy and non-smoking before I started planning a family...I am so scared.
Too many what-ifs are flooding my head. I need support...I don't feel I have it at home, I know I don't have it at work...I thank God for all of you, for my gp, and my counsellor. I Just wish I had more support at home...lack of support at work I can handle, but not at home.
This leads to Christmas...ahhh, Christmas. Ti's the season for stress and panic (at least for me). We have no cards out, no baking done, hardly any presents bought, and very little money to work with. Oh, and we're planning on moving out on the 1st of January!
Anyways, I'm done my rant...thanks for letting me spill my guts and feel sorry for myself for a little while. If you think of it, could you please pray for me?
Love to you all
Shebee